I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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