Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
