that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
