I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
