..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
