Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
