Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
