I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
