i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize