I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
