I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My feet surprised me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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