I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
