She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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