I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
