Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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