And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
