"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
its liver damage thursday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
