genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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