Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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