dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
