you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
