So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
