the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
