yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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