I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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