can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
