the condom got lost in my hair
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize