i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
