her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize