So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
