Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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