Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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