Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
