I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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