The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
vagina is talking i cant
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
