broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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