I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize