His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
