Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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