He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
