Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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