sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
