Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize