Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
