Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
