dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
