I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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