it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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