Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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