i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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