I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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