fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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