Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
