I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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