in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
