When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
