I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
