well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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